I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
