I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
