omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
