I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
