Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
