i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
