this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
