dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize