Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
