well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
