By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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