my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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