It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
