It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
