I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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