Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
