Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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