Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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