last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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