I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
