I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
