There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
