i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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