It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
