i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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