I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Come on in and take your pants off
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