I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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