She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
