3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
