Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
