It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
