My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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