I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
