well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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