Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
