i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
