i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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