I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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