he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
