the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize