I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
