You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize