Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
