her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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