I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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