I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
