Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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