i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize