I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
