Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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