I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
