So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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