Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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