bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
