you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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