Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
