I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
