Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Less talking, more tequila
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
