I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
