The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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