please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
