About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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