So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
