i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
