My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
