help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
