Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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