I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
