1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
