Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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