We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
