Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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