I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
