Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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