Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize