The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
