someone get that fucking seahorse.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
