I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
