if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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