She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize