i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
