It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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