my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
