yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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