I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
