I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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