i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
