I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize