he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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