Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
