Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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