the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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