So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
