do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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